Communication is not about saying what we think. Communication is about ensuring others hear what we mean.

State the facts and tell the truth. Speak with integrity—say exactly what you mean and mean exactly what you say.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain

• If you think something, say something. Don’t expect people to guess your thoughts and feelings. Don’t hold a grudge when people didn’t predict what you wanted them to do. Just tell them.
• People can’t read your mind ¹ / the thoughts in your head, they can only react to your action/word.
• People who use direct/precise/literal sentences ↔ People who use indirect/shadow/implied/figurative sentences
  • It’s better to be direct about almost everything than to play a game of subtle hints and plausibly deniable nudges.

When facilitating, if you’re talking too much, or working too hard, you’re probably doing something wrong.

As Neil Strauss said, “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” I say, “Shared expectations are adaptive gratification.”

“Timing influences communication. Talk about potential mistakes before they happen and people start looking for ways to prevent them. Talk about actual mistakes after they happen and people start looking for reasons to defend their actions. What do we need to be talking about now, so we can learn the lessons before we need them?” — James Clear

• 3 Steps to avoid “unspoken expectations”
  1. Start with facts and what you expect, specifically (think “painting done” ²).
  2. Describe why it’s an expectation or concern.
  3. Ask a question to invite them into the dialogue.

Adam Grant on unlocking someone’s potential:

“I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations, and I’m confident you can reach them.”

The Tip Framework

To ensure clear communication, incorporate these three elements at the start of your message [02:26]:

1. Topic: Clearly state the subject of the conversation [02:37].
   • Example: Start with a clear and specific topic sentence, such as “I’d like to talk about July sales figures” [04:40].
2. Intent: Explain what you want the other person to do with the information [05:10].
   • Example: Clearly state your intent, whether it’s to ask a question, get a decision, or simply vent [07:33].
3. Point: Summarize the most important information [08:19].
   • Example: Deliver the most important information upfront, like “Our project launch is going to be delayed by a month” [09:47].

See Also

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