General Principle

Don’t lie. People value honesty.

• The Awkward Pause
  • Just pause, raise an eyebrow, and look at them in silence—Oftentimes when you tell someone you can’t do X because of Y, people will give you all kinds of suggestions of how to cancel/postpone X and do Y instead. People will try to “solve” the problem of why you can’t do something because they see what they want you to do as more important than what’s already on your agenda.
• Say it with humor.
• The soft “no” (“no but”, “thank you but”)
  • “Sounds very interesting, but I will pass it at the moment.”
  • “Yes, but what should I deprioritize?”
  • “You are welcome to X. I am willing to Y.”
  • “I can’t do it, but X might be interested.”
  • “I’m supposed to do that.”
  • “I don’t have any synchronous time available, but I’m happy to connect by email.”
  • “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t.”
  • “I am honored that you asked me, but I can’t do it.”
  • “I really appreciate you asking me, but I can’t commit to that right now.”
  • “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you at this time.”
  • “Sorry, but I can’t make it; maybe another time.”
  • “Unfortunately, this is not something I can do right now.”
  • “Sounds nice, but I am not available at the moment. Maybe next time!”
• Say no quickly as a way of kindness: If you have/want to say no to something, do it immediately. That gives the asker maximum time to find alternatives. A short, polite, timely rejection is much more valuable than a delayed, in-depth rejection.
• “No, thanks.”
  • Just say “I don’t feel like doing X. / I don’t want to do X.” (I don’t have to offer you an excuse. “No, thanks.” should be a sufficient enough answer.)