“Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.” — Napoleon Bonaparte
「知之者不如好之者，好之者不如樂之者。」—《論語 · 雍也》
“The appetite for applause counts amongst the lowest of human character traits.” — Jan-Willem van der Rijt
Humans are socially conditioned in nature — we are driven for external and social validation from others.
3 facets that help intrinsic motivation and drive us:
[@pinkDriveSurprisingTruth2011]
- Autonomy: being in control and able to guide both what we do and how we do it
- Mastery: our desire to continually be improving and learning and bettering ourselves
- Purpose: working towards something we think is worthwhile. Having a North Star to aim for and a reason it’s worth doing what we’re doing.
Self-Determination Theory (SDT)
- Autonomy – The need to feel in control of one’s own actions and decisions.
- Competence – The need to feel capable and effective in one’s activities.
- Relatedness – The need to feel connected to others and have meaningful relationships.
The theory argues that when the three basic needs are satisfied, people are more likely to be intrinsically motivated.
Your external reality is often a manifestation of your internal reality. Don’t look out, look in.
Focus on the internal scorecard (追求內在成就), not the external/social approval/validation/affirmation/rewards (追求外在成就 1)
Compete externally and you compare. Compete internally and you improve.
- Internal Competitiveness means you want to get better than your past self. This makes you happy.
- External Competitiveness means you want to beat other people. This makes you unhappy.
Autotelic Personality & Exotelic Personality
- Autotelic people (成長心態) enjoy the journey as they work toward a goal.
- Exotelic people (定型心態) only care about reaching the goal, no matter what.
Good Questions
- Would you rather be the world’s greatest lover, but have everyone think you’re the world’s worst lover? Or would you rather be the world’s worst lover but have everyone think you’re the world’s greatest lover?
- If the world couldn’t see your results, would you rather be thought of as the world’s greatest investor but in reality have the world’s worst record? Or be thought of as the world’s worst investor when you were actually the best?
- Would you still be interested in buying/learning 2/doing this thing if you cannot show it to anyone or tell anyone about it except yourself?
David Brooks - Résumé Virtues & Eulogy Virtues
So I’ve been thinking about the difference between the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the ones you put on your résumé, which are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that get mentioned in the eulogy, which are deeper: who are you, in your depth, what is the nature of your relationships, are you bold, loving, dependable, consistency? And most of us, including me, would say that the eulogy virtues are the more important of the virtues. But at least in my case, are they the ones that I think about the most? And the answer is no.
The Two Side of Our Natures, which are at war with each other. We happen to live in a society that favors Adam I, and often neglects Adam II. [@soloveitchikLonelyManFaith2006]
| Adam I | Adam II |
|---|---|
| the ambitious side of our nature | the humble side of our nature |
| wants to conquer the world | wants to obey the world |
| savors accomplishments | savors inner consistency and strength |
| asks how things work | ask why we’re here |
| motto is “success” | motto is “love, redemption, and return” |
| run by external/economic logic: input leads to output, risk leads to reward, etc. | run by internal/inverse/moral logic: you have to give in order to receive, you have to surrender to something outside yourself in order to gain strength within yourself, you have to conquer the desire in order to get what you want, you have to forget yourself in order to fulfill yourself, you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself, etc. |
| built by building your strength | built by fighting your weaknesses |
In a scene
Travis: So why do you do it?
Jimmy: I don’t know, I like the lights, I like the crowd, I like the…they f*cking like me.
Travis: What about the horses? Do you like them?…
Let me tell you something, Jimmy. To be any good at this game…you gotta do it for the horse.
And where you’re going, a horse is going to be your only f*cking friend and you two are going to have to figure it the f*ck out.
And that’s all cowboyin’ is…
It’s you and a horse, doing a job, trying like hell to not let the other down.
Comparison is the thief of joy
You don’t need to be liked to be loved
Escape competition through authenticity
Change yourself to change the world
Mastering yourself is superpower